Over the years of raising three guys with multiple diagnoses I still have ups and downs with my depression. I was suicidal when they were much younger, but that was short-lived, because I just didn't want to hurt, and to feel like a failure as a mother. Time, therapy, prayer, and lots of journaling has helped me come to a place of greater peace about it all. There's definitely a lot of us out here. It's so good that you are able to share your own story!